Among Titans
by Ace Autarch
Summary: This is the story of Snapshot, an 'out of his own pocket' hero who joins the Teen Titans. Being a normal human without superpowers or high-tech armour can be quite hazardous in the Titian's line of work; however, armed with his intuitiveness, sheer will and witty inner dialogue he'll at least make it interesting - well that and his romantic interest in Raven.
1. From zero to hero

Among Titians

Chapter 1- From zero to hero

Where to begin? I suppose I could start with my origin but that wouldn't be much except an expansion of: "one day I decided to go out and fight crime". Maybe later but for now let's just say I bought myself some guns, Kevlar body armour, a vizard mask and some ammunition – both rubber and live rounds (keep that in mind). So with my bank account practically empty, some decent training with projectile weapons, a police radio and an athletic figure I was set to fight crime.

Nothing really impressive to be honest; I stopped a few muggings, rescued a ridiculous amount of cats and stopped a bank robbery in progress. I was small time I'll be the first to admit that but I was doing good work saving lives and kicking ass. It all changed the day I met the Titans...

So aliens are invading right? Apparently that happened a lot but it always felt far away y'know? You'd see this alien leader of some sort on the news giving a surrender or die speech and the heroes would take care of it before they could get to the 'or die' part. So me being the Will smith wannabe that I am I decided to roll out the welcome wagon for our visitors.

It was time to put on the tights, so to speak.

So when I looked outside and saw the gigantic mothership over the city in the night sky I had a general idea where I needed go.

So here I am under the alien ship shooting at aliens and being shot at by aliens. You know those old fish man monsters with the blue scales the teeth the tail and red eyes? Like that except six feet tall and packing lazers. So yeah, I had assigned myself the role of distraction and support to keep the lizards (or would they be amphibian? Whatever it's not really a priority now) off the bystanders who are understandably running for their lives in the opposite direction. These guys were the dream target for me: large, slow and not very argumentative after a few rounds.

So this one-sided firefight was going on until all the civilians were safely far away. I was giving myself a pat on the back for a job well done by dreading the damage all that ammo would do to my bank account. But then shock surprise! My job wasn't done. See as it turns out these guys were abducting people as that wasn't stereotypical of them. So they had these people in these purple force bubble things that hovered as alien technology tends to do; these things hovered along until they were underneath the mothership and then they hovered up inside it. It seems that in order to save the day I need to hover in some manner.

Oh hey there's a platform that the aliens use to get to their ship that doesn't look like some form of cage.

And is that a liquor store right next to me?  
is it true that there is a lighter in my pocket?

Do I have a plan?

No

Not really.

But I now had access to some form of explosives and a platform that could get me to the ship and that's good enough for me. So after going to the store and grabbing two bottles of vodka, a fire extinguisher and some tissues I was set.

By the way they were shooting at me the entire time and I wasn't 100% sure that my Kevlar vest would stop lasers so don't think this was a walk in the park. This was the most dangerous time in my entire life so far with each next moment being more dangerous than the last. I took cover behind the wreck of a cab and took a moment to prepare. I had hooked the fire extinguisher to my belt, drawn my pistol and had lit the Molotov I had created. I took one final breath.

And I charged into the fray.

It wasn't like the movies where you could only hear your heartbeat and everything was in slow motion. Everything moved at the normal but you noticed everything, and you were faster. Round after round found its way to a forehead the blow from each round enough to knock them unconscious. Body after body fell as I advanced towards the hovering platform. There were five of them on the platform just gawping at the sight of a single human K.O. ing several of their fellows as I charged forwards (I think they were gawping). I tossed the Molotov. I think they got the idea that it would be an explosive encounter so they were pretty eager to vacate the craft. The Molotov hit dead centre of the craft; lighting it on fire. So here's where the fire extinguisher comes in. I jump on the still burning hovercraft with the extinguisher streaming at my feet. It was... a unique experience.

So while everything else was on fire I ran to the command console – it turns out there was only one button so it was more like an elevator than a hovercraft ( Kinda ruined the novelty of it really). So I pressed the _only _button for the "hovervator" and I was on my way. It felt pretty good doing all that badassery without getting shot or caught on fire.

Oh wait.

I _am _on fire.

I wonder how that happened.

So after combination of stop drop and roll, expert use of the fire extinguisher and most importantly: lots of screaming (I doubt anyone rolling with a Molotov while on fire wouldn't scream); I was on my way to the alien ship, fire free.

I'm on the alien ship; alive. This is good, this is very good; and very, very cool.

Focus.

The captives still needed to be rescued and as far as I knew I was the only person aboard this ship willing to rescue them. With no time to admire the novelty of being aboard an alien vessel or to dread the impending death of my bank account I listened quietly for the sound of distressed humans. Because humans were the minority here and that all of them were in some kind of distress it didn't take long for me to figure out which direction to go; I just needed to follow the screams.

So after a several minutes and a few unconscious aliens later I had finally reached the holding area; however, there was a slight hitch. See as it turns out these guys actually guard their prisoners; crazy right? So another firefight broke out okay and I'd wager that loud siren I'm hearing was somehow magically inviting more bad guys to help evict yours truly in a somewhat lethal fashion. So I had to get this over with quick.

Buuut apparently that wasn't going to happen because one of those aliens which I thought I put down decided to suddenly re-enter consciousness and shoots me of all things!

That was the moment that I discovered Kevlar does jack shit against lasers.

It went through my bullet proof vest and me. I didn't scream like you'd expect when you get shot. I just raised my eye brows and clenched my jaw as I shot the lizard back into unconsciousness.

Shit that hurt. But at least the shot also cauterised the wound; I wouldn't be bleeding out any time soon.

But yeah it still hurt.

I started breathing through my teeth. Lives were at stake; I had to forget the pain. They had cover; I have to...have to flush them out.

Shock.

Have to work through it.

Have to flush them out.

Molotov bitches!

I threw the lit Molotov at the aliens. It hit the cover instead of the area behind it. No matter, they were going to have to move in order to get a clear shot at me.

They...didn't move. It seems they were content to stay in cover. I had to make the first move. So, holstering my rifle I drew both of my pistols... and counted to three.

My footsteps echoed across the hall, they knew I was making my move. In this case the fire didn't grow some sort of attachment to me; it prevented them from mowing me down as I approached them. And by approached I meant: running around to their flank, emptying my guns at them while yelling:

"BITE THE BULLET FUCKERS!"

It must've worked because I wasn't dead and I had reached some cover on their left flank. So with me lying down behind cover while those lizards were shooting at me I took a moment to catch my breath, trying my best to not give into the shock when the time came for me to learn another lesson about superheroing.

"Surrender human and we shall ensure your death will be painless!"

What? I swear I just heard one of the aliens telling me to surrender. I thought it must have been the shock but I'm pretty sure hallucinations weren't a symptom. So I being the cautious crime fighter that I am (and obviously being completely sound of mind) I tentatively stuck my head out of cover and asked with reservation,

"Did...you just say something?"

One of the brutes stepped up to address me, "using our technological might we are able to communicate the glory of lord Trogar; even to your primitive brain, so understand now..." He kind of droned on but I had what I needed.

They could speak English.

More importantly they could understand English.

Oh.

Oh my.

That meant they just gave me access to a dictionary of weapons. I reloaded my sidearms and put on the biggest shit-eating grin I could muster in my pained state. I poked my head out once again and began my assault with a single teasing greeting,

"Hey..."

It didn't take even two minutes of me insulting their mothers, their ...honour and opening up the discussion on the possibility of them having sexual relations with their immediate family before they were pushing each other aside to be the one who personally guts me. However with my convincing argument as to why they shouldn't do that (as well as some charming pointers from my rubber rounds) they decided to drop on the floor groaning from what I assume is their ... realisation at the silliness of their intent. After kicking away their weapons I rolled over the one who addressed me.

"Sticks and stones my friend," I mocked; once again breaking out a grin behind my mask.

He groaned in response.

"Good talk" I replied, my cheeks now hurting from my grin.

I hadn't forgotten the alarm that was still blaring aloud and I had also noticed how no reinforcements had come. Which meant they were probably busy. Which meant...

There was someone else on this ship.

Probably.

Now that the room had been cleared I headed towards that corridor at the back of the room which uncannily looked like the prison block from Star Wars. Go figure. And you know what else I see? A small panel with big buttons. Now usually I'd go all out on the button pushing but since this was an alien ship and I had no idea what these buttons would do so I decided to shoot it instead. Don't worry, I saw this work all the time in the movies. Replacing one of my clips with live ammunition I fired three rounds into the panel.

It worked, just like I knew it would.

With all the force fields powering down my fellow humans were emerging from their cells to the sight of me at the end of the corridor with my wrist pressed against my wound. I was feeling pretty good (apart from the pain and the ever persistent light headedness from the shock) with the captives pouring out I expected to receive gratitude and praise for their rescue – y'know a small morale boost to help me finish the mission.

But then I saw her striding purposely down the aisle with rage etched into her face; a small girl towed by her hand.

The soccer mom commeth.

"Was that you outside speaking that filth?" she bellowed, still closing in on me.

"Yeeeesss" I croaked, moving my head back slightly dreading what was to come.

I'm sure you don't want to hear the torrent which came after so I'll just skip that part.

So I was just standing there for a second slightly deafened just... gathering my thoughts after that onslaught. I holstered one of my weapons and outstretched my open-palmed hand.

"Really, wha- Really?" I began trying to make her realize this wasn't the time or place but I was just so stupefied that I ended just taking out my frustration on her, "I've gotten on a hostile alien ship, I've been shot and now I'm taking crap form you, all this to save your lives." She seemed taken aback at this but then the worst possible thing happened...

"Mommy what's a cocksucker?"

God, why do you hate me?

If she was mad before I'm pretty sure now she would have qualified for the Red lantern corps. While her teeth were grinding I quickly held up my hand before she could start again.

"Can I first save your lives before you yell at me again?" I asked

Since she only continued to grind her teeth I took that as a yes. I motioned the group of thirty-something to follow me as we reached the entrance an announcement sounded out throughout the ship.

"Particle cannon preparing to fire, power at ten percent"

Well that can't be good.

"Okay people, there's been a change in plans," I said this but truth is I didn't exactly have a plan so I improvised.

After getting the group to drag the lizards I put down outside the door I told the group if they heard a knocking that sounded like jingle bells they should open the door So I closed the door, shot the controls and was on my merry way.

I initially had no idea on where to go but it wasn't long before I found a trail of unconscious alien bodies – that weren't there because of me. It seems my mysterious friends heard the same thing I did. I just needed to follow their trail of chaos.

As I followed the trail of bodies I had finally reached what I assume was the bridge. I reached this conclusion because it was the biggest room on the ship so far and I could see about thirty aliens in here. Oh and there was also some sort of mega alien in the middle that was twice the size of an ordinary one. That must be Trogar.

I would be worried were it not for the five superheroes right in front of me. From what I could tell from behind there was: a flying redhead with an orange tan, a green kid in a purple and black outfit, a cyborg, someone in a blue hood and cloak and Robin.

_The_ Robin.

The boy wonder?

Batman's own protégé?

Yeah. That Robin.

He was talking to the big alien who I'm pretty sure is Trogar. It seems I had missed most of the conversation.

"Once again human, relinquish the Tamaranean or your fellow humans will be incinerated" he held up a device with his thumb on the trigger to emphasise his point.

"You'll never get away with this Trogar," growled Robin "I'm not just going to let you take one of my friends"

I called it, it _was_ Trogar.

"You will surrender her now or the humans _will_ perish"

"Uhhh, actually no they won't," I announced making my entrance; walking in line with robin, "because I freed them, and you know what that means" I hinted as I turned my head towards robin.

"It means you're in for a world of hurt " he grinned hitting his fist into his palm.

Then came that phrase I would be hearing for a long time to come.

"Teen Titans, GO!"

Almost as if it was an instinct all of us began our assault.

The green kid turned into a fucking T-rex, AWESOME!

While the cyborg was blasting thins with his hand cannon and generally hitting things hard the redhead was introducing the aliens to a particularly painful version of laser tag.

The girl that wore the blue hood was levitating both objects and aliens and tossing them hither and yon.

Robin was dodging and weaving through the battlefield while generally bringing the hurt.

I'm glad to say that I was also swept up in the sudden action, instantly levelling my weapons and joining the fun.

And it was fun, fighting with the Titians. When one member was in need of help I put down a few foes with some quick shots and when I was getting cornered the Titians had my back. Whether it was a rampaging rhino, a sonic blast, a blast of dark energy, green laser blasts (they have a large variety of blasts) or a volley of Robin's Robinrangs? They had my back and I theirs.

Weeeell they did until Mr. Ten-foot-Trogar decided to have a personal conversation with me and by 'personal conversation' I meant serious curb stomping. Naturally not wanting to die I hit him with everything I had...but he just kept coming. I tried to roll out of the way when he drew his arm back to claw me. He managed to get my back but my Kevlar vest finally proved useful today; however, his claws managed to fling me into the wall right next to him; giving me no place to run. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed hum to his chest; he was going to crush the life out of me.

"Hey guys I could use some help" I wheezed as I got the prime treatment from my foreign chiropractor. My rifle was probably the only thing that was preventing my spine from snapping but he had managed to cause my laser wound to start bleeding, pretty badly too. Fortunately I was able to use my blood as a lubricant so I could move my arm just enough to place my pistol on Trogar's chin.

Let's see if you have a glass jaw.

I pulled the trigger and his head snapped back. The blow wasn't enough to knock him down but hey he released me so I wasn't being crushed to death any more. Now that I was free I did what any respectful hero would do. I ran in the opposite direction while yelling, "If you guys aren't too busy it would be great if you could help me NOT DIE"

It wasn't long before I started feeling light-headed and weak. I was going into shock. _Again!_ Though I suppose if a cauterized laser wound that went clean though my body was reopened it would make me lose a lot of blood... but that's just my line of thought. Right, I was running from a ten foot monster in the middle of a chaotic battle all while leaking like a broken tap. Since I was quickly tiring (from all the blood loss obviously) I decided to try something.

I turned around to face him and I jumped backwards falling on the floor. Now with me properly lubricated with my lifeblood the floor acted as a slip 'n slide; propelling me speedily in the opposite direction I was facing. I was facing Lord Trogar so I decided the best thing to do would be to start shooting at him again. Naturally I was aiming at his head but because of the loss of blood and the shock I wasn't doing so well; however, it seems my slip 'n slide adventure had bought me enough time for the Cyborg to hit Trogar with a blast from his sonic cannon thingy. Trogar was knocked to the floor, skidding right next to me as we both came to a stop. I wasn't entirely comfortable about having a large angry alien awake right next to me so I quickly pressed one of my pistols to his forehead, "nighty night" I quipped as I pulled the trigger. He was now sound asleep; just like every other alien on the bridge. I leaned forward... tired. I was about to just about to give up and stop resisting the shock when I heard an enthusiastic "Booyah!" from my mechanical saviour. I decided to introduce myself before I passed out.

"What he said," I agreed weakly, nodding in his direction as I rose with some pained effort. As the titans all converged on my position the green changeling in a mix of awe and concern exclaimed "Dude are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine" I grunted through clenched teeth, "though now I'm a little short on red paint" I joked grimly, chuckling at the end. I saw the concerned faces of the Titans and dropped the humour. "uhhh, I... should probably get this treated huh?" I was about to reach for my field kit when the girl in the blue cloak spoke up, "I can help." She said as she glanced nervously at her companions while idly fidgeting with her hands before continuing meekly. "I can heal people using my powers" I knew she would definitely do a better job than my initially planned stitch-up-while-suffering-from-blood-loss health plan.

"Sure" I wheezed, at the end of my rope "That sounds great" She stepped forward pulling down her hood.

Wow. She was quite the catch, quite the gem.

She also wore a real gem. I think it was supposed to be one of those bindi things.

But who would care about a gem with a girl like this in front of them. Large purple eyes, neat, short hair, flawless pale skin and...

My god.

Those thighs.

I swear they were so perfect they couldn't be from this world. (As it turns out she wasn't from this world, go figure.)

Now you'd think they'd notice my ogling but I'm pretty sure they chalked it up to blood loss but my admiration was cut short regardless when she addressed me.

"I'm going to need to touch the wound itself" she gestured tentatively at the source of the leek.

A surprised "Oh." Was all I could manage before I tried to detach the Velcro strap of my Kevlar vest. My gloved hand was slick with blood and not even its apparent 'super grip' was able to get a proper grasp. The girl quickly grew impatient and I was surprised to see a dark energy surround my vest, undo the straps and come off me altogether.

If I didn't lose so much blood I probably would have blushed.

So with me vestless she lifted my shirt up above the wound while her unoccupied hand was surrounded by an aura of her dark energy. When her hand made contact I must admit I was expecting the process to be painful; however, the opposite was true. Aside from the gentle and very welcome touch of her hand I felt a slow and gentle massage both inside the wound itself and the surrounding area. It was an odd sensation... but also pleasant.

Yeah, a lot of things would have happened if that blood was still inside me.

Embarrassing things.

After a very short while of that pleasant experience all that remained of a possibly fatal wound was nothing more than a scar and some deep bruising, I still had a headache and the weak feeling but it was a large improvement.

"Wow," I breathed, removing my attention from the scar that had replaced the hole and looking at sorceress who had healed me, "I guess it's true what they say, it's all in the hands" I quipped light-heartedly before adding sincerely, "thanks, uh I didn't get your name"

"It's Raven" she stated in a monotone voice as she walked back to her friends. They were thankfully looking a lot less concerned about my condition. I decided now was probably the best time to introduce myself.

"By the way I'm Snapshot." I kind of just let that hang in the air. I didn't really know what to say (I'd chalk it up to the blood loss but truth be told I'm terrible with introductions). Fortunately Robin picked up the slack.

"Nice to meet you snapshot I'm Robin (I think I could figure that out), you've already met Raven (yes, yes I have), this is Cyborg" he said, gesturing to the Cyborg (points for creativity). Cyborg himself gave me a quick "Hey" before Robin continued. "Starfire" gesturing to the redhead in the purple outfit as she gave an enthusiastic smile and wave, "And Beastboy" Robin concluded.

Beastboy himself must have been impressed with my display because he eagerly portrayed my apparent awesomeness. "Dude! You were awesome; you were all like _bang bang bang, pew pew pew_" He explained while going through several cowboyish motions using his hands as metaphorical pistols to illustrate his point. I was flattered admittedly but I felt that he was exaggerating until Robin agreed with him.

Apparently I had made an impression.

"I agree with Beastboy. Without your help we would have had no way of taking on Trogar without putting the hostages in danger. Also you handled yourself pretty well in the fight." I was going to say something witty and humble but before I could Robin popped the question.

"How would you like to become a Teen Titian?"

At first I thought that I had misheard him or that it had been some sort of illusion caused by the blood loss. In the end I was so conflicted that I just stood there for five seconds completely silent. I was only able to answer with another question. "Could... you repeat that?"

He repeated his offer.

"Do you want to be a Teen Titan?"

Another five seconds of just standing still in disbelief until my body replied without me thinking.

"Yes." I said in a voice that was a little too loud to be considered calm.

I repeated my affirmation in a calmer manner. "I mean yes, I would love to be a Titian."

"Then welcome to the Titans Snapshot" He concluded reaching out his hand. I was about to shake his hand but when I saw my bloody glove I thought it best to remove it first.

After a gloveless handshake from the boy wonder, a painful slap on the back from the cyborg, a painful hug from the alien with super strength, a fistbump with the green animorph and a monotone "congratulations" from the mistress of magic it was settled.

I was part of the Titans.

Snapshot: Teen Titan


	2. Movin' on up, Movin' on in

Chapter 2 – Movin' on up, Movin' on in

Guess who just entered Titan tower?

The Teen Titans did.

But I'm a Teen Titan now so that includes me.

So yeah, I have just entered Titan Tower.

It literally blew me away. Key word here: literally.

Perhaps I was a bit excited, perhaps I should've know the entrance had some form of automated defence, perhaps I should have stopped opening the door when Robin yelled,

"Wait don't- stop!"

But as it happens; it was a with a lesson of the painful aspect of the term 'concussive proximity mines' that I had taken my first step inside Titan tower and had subsequently been painfully expelled for the first time (this was not an uncommon occurrence as I was to learn over the years ). With a pained 'oof' I had once again found myself lying on the ground in pain. My teammates were quick to crowd around me but at least Starfire has the decency to ask, "My friend, are you all right?" I took this as my cue to open my eyes and shoot off my reassuring one-liner, "what, no confetti?"

Okay so it was a painful start but trust me it was worth it once I was able to get inside without setting off some sort of explosive.

So I entered the front door and found myself in the lobby where I proceeded to- wait,

"You guys have a lobby?"

I was somewhat curious to discover the possible use of a lobby in a superhero headquarters that reside on an isolated island. Unfortunately I didn't receive a reply beyond Robin coughing and mumbling, "uh yeah, something like that". I wasn't able to pursue that conversation as my arm was suddenly wrenched by Starfire .

Over the astoundingly distinct pain of my bone being removed from its socket I was able to discern the words Starfire was distributing at an improbable high volume and speed "Please friend you must come and see our house. I shall give you the 'tour' "

I thought that opening a door to an explosion would be the weirdest thing to happen to me today... but getting dragged around by a flying redhead with my arm was dislocated while receiving a full tour of a superhero team headquarters respectively trumped that. I had learned another lesson of the world of heroes: things can only get weirder.

And it was only 9:30

So after a few minutes of limb-wrenching pain Starfire had finally concluded her tour of the base. I had somehow ended up in what appeared to be the lounge room which included a kitchen. I think it had quite the view but I was too busy relocating my arm to truly appreciate its beauty. With a muffled crack my arm was more or less back where it belonged; however, with an inherently evil question masked in the guise of enthusiasm and friendliness Starfire's grip once again tightened around my wrist. "Please is there anywhere else you wish to see?"

Oh god please not again.

I have to do something. I could appeal to her better nature, ask her to relent. But I'm afraid there was no amount of pleading that could stop her onslaught. I had one last option to escape the bone-crushing terror of Starfire's tour: a technique that had saved my bacon more times than I could count. I have to use that technique. I have to combine all my skill and cunning.

I had to make an excuse.

Her grip tightened. Her smile widened. Her pupils dilated.

I was running out of time.

Come on, think.

thinkthinkthinkthinkthink

Just as I felt her starting to tug my arm again I knew I had to make my move.

"Actually..." I interrupted, my voice breaking into a higher note than I would've liked; I was under a lot of stress but thankfully I was able to bring my voice to its regular volume as I continued, "Actually I'd prefer to get to know you guys better." Behind my mask resided an ocean of cold sweat, a pointless nervous smile and the two windows to my very soul which looked out in anticipation of my ultimate fate. I know it wasn't a life or death situation but I really wasn't looking forward to another 'tour' with Starfire because as it happens I'm not overly fond of painful experiences.

Her grin widened even further as she closed her eyes. "Oh yes, of course friend!" She agreed, releasing my wrist; I felt a tingling sensation as the blood flowed freely once more. It appears my gambit had paid off. All I had to do now was to keep her talking and in doing so it would keep her from pulling my arm off.

Turns out I didn't have to give her any incentive. Before even a syllable of a question escaped my lips she fired off her life's story. "My name is Starfire "She started, placing her hand to her chest to emphasize her point (I kinda already knew this so it was a pointless thing to state). "I come from a faraway place called Tamaran,"

"Tamaran?" I asked aloud. Is that a country in Asia I pondered; Starfire answered far more than that in her explanation.

"Oh yes , I was taken from my home planet by lord Trogar and was to be delivered to the Citadel but I was able to escape and with the help of my friends we removed Trogar from earth before he returned today ."

Now I am not easily rendered speechless but that... that did the job. I mean honestly that bombshell rendered helpless for at least two more minutes of Starfire's life story. "Uhhhhh..." I interrupted Starfire's recounting of the time she saw her first kitten to try and make sure what I heard was correct "Your home plan-... Tamaran is a planet?"

"Why yes" she replied with her ever present smile.

"So... you're not from Earth?" I quizzed her again.

"No I am from the planet Tamaran" she confirmed, her smile dimming a bit.

"So what you're telling me... is that you are an alien." I swear at this stage I was squinting so hard at her that it could count as some sort of eyelid exercise.

"Yes!" she exclaimed with a mixture of glee and exasperation.

Wow this explains so much: her over-eager personality; her 'unintentionally' dislocating my arm; her inability to notice the TREMEDOUS amount pain I was in.

She was obviously insane.

This is just great. I think I'll just go ahead and have those second thoughts about joining the titans now.

I mean for Christ's sake I'm Irish, I already have enough crazy redheads in my life.

It was just as I nonchalantly flicked off the safety of my firearms when the rest of the titans arrived. It was about fucking time because I was **not cool** about them just letting a super powered crazy person just drag me off and I _really _wanted to grill them for that. I was going to rage _so hard_. Of course this was this was what I wanted to do but I would never _say_ anything insulting about the crazy person while she was there (that survival instinct y'know). In the end I settled for a more... tactful approach. "Hi guys" I greeted them with an obviously panicky tone and a pointless fake smile (I wouldn't have done it if I had remembered I had my mask on but being in close proximity to metahuman crazy person tends to make you forget things like that).

"Hey Snapshot, so Star show you around the place yet?" He asked this as if he _hadn't_ let a super powered manic drag me away.

My breath was caught as I tried to think of another way of communicating my terror. I gave a sigh as I relented. I decided to tell them the truth. I couldn't lie under these ridiculous conditions.

I didn't have to tell them what was on my mind though.

"Actually, no... not really. I mean she took me everywhere... I think. But I didn't... didn't-"

"-get to see anything?" Raven finished my sentience with a raised eyebrow.

"I... well yeah. Sorry Starfire but it's the truth" Starfire may be delusional about her being an alien but that doesn't mean I want to hurt her feelings. Besides I sense her puppy dog eyes boring into the back of my skull.

Cyborg quipped in "Guess that means you'll be having another tour."

"Raincheck, I think I've had enough tours for one day" I declined his offer, rolling back my injured shoulder with an audible series of cracks. Beastboy still wanted to show me around though.

"Dude you gotta at least check out the tv" he pleaded.

I resigned, lowering my head and giving a silent nod.

It was a really fucking big tv.

I kinda just sat on the couch, Just admiring this Big. Fucking. Tv.

"um... dude?"

"Shhh sshhh sh" I voiced raising my finger.

"Now tell me, is that an XE 2000 gaming console?"

"Yeah...?"

"Niiice... but what's it doing in your headquarters?"

My question seemed to stupefy Beastboy so I decided to elaborate.

"Well... usually you'd put this where you live, rather than the place you work to fight crime."

"Dude we do live here" He reveal slowly with a small grin, as if he was explaining an internal joke. I was caught off guard by this unseen possibility so the best reply I could manage as a dull "oh, okay". I wasn't able to recover as Cyborg's friendly invitation once again caught me off guard. "Yeah man let me show you your room" Giving me a friendly slap on the back. I slowly rose from the couch.

"Sure, yeah- my room?"

"Yeah being a titan means you get to stay in titan tower. With your fellow titans."

"Cool..." I hesitated before asking my shamefully presumptuous question "Rent free?"

"Yep" he confirmed, opening the door to my new room "This can all be yours for the low price of kicking bad guy butt and taking names."

"Wow it's..."

"Empty?" he finished, raising his one eyebrow.

I pointed at him nodding, "That, yeah." I decided to list its only good feature so as not to seem ungrateful. "But so full of potential."

"Glad you like it. It's also soundproofed and titanium shielded. I had to install it because Beastboy snoring." Whispering the part about Beastboy's vice.

"Oh- hey can I have a moment"

"Sure I have something I need to handle anyway. Beastboy! Now you know I told you that it was _my _turn on the tv so I'd better not find you on there."

While my semi-metallic friend was off liberating the tv from the tyranny of Beastboy I had a difficult decision to make.

Should I stay or should I go?

Now let's see:

Pros –

-Free room and board in a large house with a nice view and huge tv with gaming console

- Be part of awesome crime fighting team

Cons –

Crazy redhead

With superpowers

-Free room / -Crazy redhead

-Free / -Crazy

Freecrazy?...

Crazyfree?

I'm going to need a tie breaker.

My line of thought was interrupted by a very distinct "Uhh..." followed by a hesitant "what are you doing?" It was at this time that I was physically weighing my options with my hands while standing in front of my door and of course it was Raven who was posing the question. I now had another urgent decision to make.

Quick, say something witty and charming.

"Oh- nothing"

Nice.

Raven's expressionless face betrayed little as to what her thoughts were of my behaviour. I instinctively matched her gaze with my own poker face. Of course it was pointless with the mask and all.

After a moment or two of blank expressions and mutual silence Raven dismissed me with a monotone "Whatever" and entered her room; the one next to mine.

Pro: -Attractive magical Goth chick who has healing powers

Also in the room next to mine

Yes. I think I will be staying.

All that remains is the small matter of moving my stuff here. But the problem is I could hardly ask the titans to help. Turning up at my house with the city's very distinct looking heroes – even in their civilian clothes – wouldn't exactly help keep my true identity secret. Hiring some people to move it to titan tower wouldn't be entirely inconspicuous either. What to do? What to do? I could forfeit and just let my identity be public knowledge; however, on top of ruthless criminals knowing who my friends and family are, my parents... would not be the most accepting of people. By 'not the most accepting' I actually mean 'most likely to be in front of the line of people who want to kill me'. After all a minor buying weapons to run around and beat up thugs is hardly acceptable behaviour by any parent's standards. Although for them I believe the term they would use would be '_uncatholic_'.

So if I want to live I should find a solution that doesn't expose me.

With my debatably competent brain I decided to implement both plans. I would hire some guys to deliver my stuff to a storehouse and then get the titans to help me move it from there to the tower. Now while it is possible that something could go wrong the chances of something like that happening are quite low.

I had been standing in place for some time while this was all going through my head. I was only made aware of the lapse of time when Raven had exited her room.

"You still here?" she asked in a tone that was completely devoid of actual concern, I think it was mostly annoyance actually. I turned to face her.

"So I am "I acknowledged before promptly departing. It was best not to attempt anymore witticisms.

So I then asked Robin if he could help, told the landlord I was leaving yadda, yadda, yadda. The moving guys came, did their job and here I am at the storehouse. Just as planned.

Here's where things go south.

See, to save money on the whole moving thing I rented a storehouse in one of the more shady parts of town; that is to say: the docks. Now I may or may not have had a sizable arsenal included with my furniture. Somehow the local criminal life had got wind of this possibility, I personally think it was the movers that tipped them off (that will teach me to cut corners when hiring help). So while all this was mulling about in the criminal industry I was ignorantly waiting by the storehouse for the titans, tights and all.I had kept my couch outside of the store house to give me somthing comfortable to sit on while I wait(I know it's a luxurious mindset. So sue me.). So one moment I'm pondering on meaningful topics like; 'what is the meaning of life?' or 'how insignificant I am in the grand scheme of things?' and also 'what is best way to go about asking a certain Goth on a date?'; y'know Important stuff. But nooo I have to spend the next hour or so in a fire fight trying not to die.

They didn't really have much which was probably the reason they were after my modest arsenal. Most of them had small calibre pistols and revolvers but one or two had an Uzi. I on the other hand had all the property I own as well as my usual equipment. So while they had numerous buildings and crates and whatnot to take cover behind the best thing I had was my own couch. Needless to say it lost most of its value in the opening seconds of the conflict. I start retaliating from behind the comfortable cover, estimating the general direction of the assailants. I may have gotten lucky once or twice but I was going nowhere as long as those Uzis were still in the equation. These thugs may have no aim but having a fully automatic weapon kinda renders that particular handicap redundant. I felt a hard strike against my chest, the Kevlar held but it's hard not to recognise when you've been shot. The bullets had started to tear through the couch while this first bullet had mostly been slowed down enough by the couch it wouldn't be long before they tore though the couch enough to start becoming lethal. Simply put I was running out of couch; which meant I was running out of time.

I had some equipment in the storage which could help: a pair of concussive grenades and a pair of flash bangs (I also had TNT and other more lethal explosives but moral standing and all that...). It was obvious what I needed to do.

I started to drag the couch to the door which my stuff was stored. One of the thugs tried to go around and flank me. My god this is so fucking stereotypical: he was wearing a wife-beater sling, a gold chain, a beanie and baggy pants so low you could see his underwear clearly.

I took great pleasure in shooting him in the crotch.

With one embarrassment to the human race passed out from pain and most likely unable to have children I took a moment to congratulate myself for enacting Darwin's law. I finally manage to drag the couch and myself over to the entrance and had to jimmy the fucking lock while under constant fire. By 'jimmy' I meant I shot the lock to hell while cursing my rotten luck and the man I rented it from. When all that was done I pushed the shed door open and made my way inside, surprisingly silent given how full of rage I was. I crawled under my furniture towards the back and retrieved the grenades (because of course the things I needed were there of all places) and emerged back in the front I time to see one of the pricks with an Uzi shred my bookcase.

My beautiful bookcase, filled with my once proud collection. Hidden within its numerous pages were Amazing adventures, inspiring epics, heartbreaking tragedies, foreign worlds of wonder and horrors that cautioned for an open eye at night – there was even that library book that I needed to return. It was all reduced to nothing but meaningless shreds and an inevitable bill from the library.

I shed a silent tear.

Then I went to work.

In the end all that was left was my desk, my bed, my computer, a few accessories, a shredded mess of splinters and cotton... and the hoodlums who caused all this. All alive, all bruised, and all cuffed; not all of them were unconscious though.

When the titans finally arrived I was sitting on the remains of the couch gazing at the remains of the rest of my things. Starfire that sweet potentially psychopathic angel was the first to ask if I was alright.

"I'm fine thanks, nothing but collateral damage here" I answered tiredly – collateral damage, I hated that term. The titans called the authorities and helped them round up the 'evil -doers'. I remained on the couch with numbers running through my head: damage costs and armament replacement costs but there was that fresh feeling of loss; I knew I would never fully replace what I had lost, not without a loan. It was a welcome distraction when Raven came over.

"You alright?"

I exhaled audibly. It wasn't a sigh, more like clearing my lungs. "I'm fine, I'm just a bit torn up about my book collection. Yes 'torn up' seems to sum up both our predicaments quite nicely."

"So you're upset about a bunch of comics?"

"Comics?" I turned to her, aghast. "no no noI'm talking about novels here!" I gestured towards the remains of the bookshelf, "Comics!" I scoffed. "I just wack those things in a box. That bookcase was full of the best novels I had ever read"

She understandably gave me a strange look.

"Yeeeah I'm probably overreacting (I'm just saying that). I'm mostly just mad I won't be able to finish 'The Last Argument of Kings'"

"The Last Argument of Kings?" She asked with the first time I believed was _actual_ interest.

"Oh yeah y'know, written by Joe Abercromme, has: Magic, a lovable barbarian with a missing digit, last of the trilogy, _awesome_ read... you heard of it?"

"Actually... I own it."

"...oh."

Now this was a pleasant surprise.

"Well...I...uhh...so...I...you-" Yeah...I don't handle surprise very well.

"Want to borrow it?" she managed to start, carry through and finish my request for me. Flawlessly.

God that's hot.

It was at this time I had gathered some semblance of my usual wit.

"Yes. ."

I said some, not all. Still my atrocious fumbling with the English tongue had placed a shadow of a smile on her face at least.

"You know Raven I believe that we'll get along quite well."

A cocked eyebrow was her response. "So you can actually say a complete sentence now?"

"Yes I do have a somewhat firm grasp of the English language"

"Really?" , she continued pushing the subject with a smug tone. I believe that she enjoyed making me squirm.

"Oh yes quite... I can also read!" I jested with enthusiasm.

She breathed hard out of her nose at my self-inflicted insult. It wasn't all bad I suppose, I'm alive, I have a nice girl beside me and hey maybe the couch was salvageable.

Of course when a seagull decided my couch made a neat little bullseye for its messy little package I changed my mind. "Well that just about clichés it, this couch has got to go." And along came another bird with more bad news.

"Titians, Mumbo has been reported stealing from the Art gallery across town!"

Never a dull moment.


End file.
